her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
