Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
