Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
cat food counts as protein by the way
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
