You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
