But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
