so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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