Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
