The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize