I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
