i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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