You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was like eating out sand paper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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