i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
