Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
