im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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