see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
