The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
