like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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