I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
