Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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