I think I died a long time ago.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
