dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
