Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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