Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
