I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
