Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
