That's when you crack a 10am beer
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
