I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
