I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
