do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
