AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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