VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
not ubering you a puppy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
