I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
