True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
