u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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