I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
