I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
