In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
