I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
