Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
