my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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