Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
