i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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