Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
