Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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