I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Everything about him screamed your future.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
