If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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