Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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