Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
