The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think your dad took our porno
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
