Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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