So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
