it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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