Joe is yelling at the trees again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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