Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
