Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
