I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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