Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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