Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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