I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
