to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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