So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
