Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
