doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You made out with two different species that night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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