Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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