I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
