What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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