Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
