I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
