Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
