my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
