Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
